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When I`m home alone, every noise I hear is a serial killer
It only takes a second to show a person how much you feel about them. The police call it indecent exposure, but whatever...
Life would be so much better if there were piñatas strategically placed throughout my day.
If you have a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: Take two, and KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN
Keep the dream alive......... Hit the snooze button.
I`m only a morning person on December 25th
Don`t ``Wine and dine`` me ... ``Champagne`` me ... step it up a notch
We had a power outage last week and my PC, TV and games console shut down immediately, so I had to talk to my family for a few hours. They seem like nice people.
I need a new refrigerator ... There`s no food in mine.
No pants are the best pants.
There was a piece of chocolate cake in the fridge and a note “Don’t eat me”.Now there’s an empty plate and a note “Don’t tell me what to do”
A colon is used to indicate a list of elements to the sentence preceding it. A semicolon is for making winky faces.
I couldn`t be on a reality show because I wouldn`t want my mom to see how many times I make the jerk-off motion when we talk on the phone
Shouldn`t the Air and Space museum be empty?
The Internet: where no one is afraid to say the first thing that pops into their head.