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Apparently you have to go to the gym more than once to get in shape, what the hell.
Corduroy boxing gloves deliver the best punchlines.
I hate when a couple argues in public but I missed the start and don`t know whose side I`m on.
That microwavable meal was delicious and filling! – no one ever
Boy it`s nice out today... or at least that`s what it says on my computer.
The lack of a secret handshake makes me question the strength of our friendship.
Some will forget, the others are simply women.
Killing spiders is easy and fulfilling if you imagine them whispering "You look fat in those pants".
You find my yoga pants distracting ... would you like me to take them off?
Job interview `What is your biggest weakness?` `Honesty` `I don`t think honesty is a weakness` `I don`t give a flying *#(@ what you think!`
Bring a side? Like, of alcohol?
Relationships are not a test... So why cheat?
You haven’t truly won an argument until the other person says “whatever.”
"My place is a mess" - Every girl, ever.... "Well in that case, I`m not coming in" - No guy, ever.
I think abs are for guys that don`t have the confidence to wear a nice T-shirt to the pool.