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Don`t tell me what to do unless you`re naked.
Why is it called cat nip and not meowjuana?
You know it´s going to be a bad day when your horoscope starts with.. "Are you sitting down?"
Sometimes Google should just come back with an answer that says, `Trust me, you don`t want to know.`
Here`s a crazy concept, maybe I`m not in a bad mood, angry, or a bitch. Maybe I said it because it`s true and I meant it. Marinate on that.
If you go for a jog and you don`t post it on Facebook, have you really jogged?
I decided I really need to read more. I watch way to much TV ... So I turned on the subtitles.
I`m confused by this "It`s 5 o`clock somewhere" statement. Bars open at 11. Idiots.
Two can play that game...` -people who dont understand that`s how games usually work
Why isn`t cat food made from birds, mice and squirrels??
You seem to be very educated on the things you make up.
People be like: "Awe baby you make me so happy." But the second you break up they be like, "finally happy."
To all the girls who think all guys are the same: Who told you to try them all? Whore.
Gravity didn`t seem this strong twenty-five years ago.
Me and my cat have been staring at each other for so long I forgot which one of us is stoned.