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Halloween Drinking Game: Drink every-time an Elsa (from Frozen) visits your house.
Ziploc`s idea of how big a sandwich should be is very different than mine.
Confidence is going after Moby Dick in a row boat ... and taking the tartar sauce with you.
Not sure what`s longer. A microwave minute or a treadmill minute.
Some people are like water balloons; they`re more fun when you throw them out the window.
I need my decision making privileges taken away.
Turns out I`m ambidextrous at yet another sport! And I even scored a bingo twice. Left-handed!
There is no such thing as failure. There are only results.
How about a ceiling fan with brakes so I don`t have to stand there for 10 seconds wondering if I actually turned it off.
At Starbucks drive up window. Me: large iced chai please Them: you mean a venti? Me: large iced chai. Them: we call a large a venti. Me: Do you want a large tip or a venti tip? Them: large iced chai, please pull up.
Obesity: When you buy a hula-hoop and it fits you.
By thigh gap you mean the distance between the KFC and my mouth right.
Why is it so hard to find an exercise bike with a nice little basket where I can put my nachos?
My medic alert bracelet warns first responders that I kiss back during CPR
*Baby on board* Oh really? Thanks for letting me know, I was about to ram into your car, but now I won’t.