Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I propose we change the names of the upper case P and lower case p to "P standing up" and "p sitting down."
Urban Dictionary has saved me from asking so many awkward questions.
Showed my daughter an MRE. The package said "Peelable Seal". She said I`m not eating no seal.
If I was supposed to share them, they wouldn`t be called nachos.
I got my stomach by doing as many crunches as I can everyday. Usually either Nestle or Captain
Facebook keeps telling me people are following me. But, every time I look behide me there`s nobody there? Why does facebook keep lying to me?
Do me a favor if someone tells you they don`t like me , tell them I don`t like them either.
Some of the best memories I have are of times right before the cops showed up.
I want to sleep tighter
Just tore the tag off my mattress and there’s nothing the feds can do about it. MUAHAHAHAHA!!!
LOSE WEIGHT FAST! Mix equal parts warm water, apple cider vinegar, & lemon juice toss that disgusting sh!t into a sink & get on a treadmill.
If my grandmother were alive today, I`m pretty sure she`d still have her blinker on.
I get more cleaning done in the ten minutes before someone comes over than I do in a week.
I don`t understand interventions. What`s the point of being told I drink too much by a room full of the reasons I drink in the first place?
You seem awesome. I can`t wait to find out what I hate about you.