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Sometimes my attention span is shorter than a gold fish crackers are delicious.
Tis the season to throw your diet out the window.
Of course you look good; I don`t have ugly friends.
All the coffee beans in South America can`t make me a morning person.
Think big, Think smart, Think positive, Think beautiful, Think great,I know this is too much for u,so here is a shortcut-Just think about me
If there is a wrong place and a wrong time, I’ll be there.
Never run after a man or a bus, there is always another one coming.
The way my dog acts, you`d think his entire family was murdered by a vacuum cleaner.
I don`t have a drinking problem. If anything, I`m TOO good at it.
The fact that I start clapping every time someone says "Please give me a hand" is only like the number 6 reason I dont have friends.
I took a 5hr energy today. they`re right about being able to multitask because it made me puke and poop at the sametime..
A good way to break up with a girl gently, is to curtsy when you`re meeting her father instead of shaking his hand.
In your face with a can of mace, make you cry all over the place!!
My favorite in-laws are the ones that don`t exist.
My goal weight is,"someone give that girl a cheeseburger."