Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My kids keep bugging me about dinner even after I told them I already ate...
I like holding the door for people who are far away, you know so they have to run a little.
I sleep better naked…why can’t the flight attendant understand this?
The only thing preventing me from smashing my alarm clock at 6am is the fact that it’s my cellphone.
Women have a lot more experience dealing with bloodstains than men. Men are convicted of murder a lot more than women. Coincidence?
Kicking a man while he’s down burns 150 calories.
I wonder if they let me grow cannabis on Farmville, I`ll be able to sell it on Mafia Wars?
We have so much in common. You want to travel and I want you to go.
Time is precious ... waste it wisely!
People hear my southern accent and automatically assume I`m stupid. Let me tell you something right now. That is just a coincidence.
If someone asks for advice, just tell em to follow their heart. No idea what that sh!t means but at least they`re not talking to you anymore
The original creator of the phrase “common sense” surely didn’t know many people.
80% of my life is pulling percentages out of thin air and stating them as facts...
When I see a girl with a lot of makeup, I want to use my finger and write WASH ME on her face…
Please don`t come to my garage sale if you`ve ever let me borrow something.