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Why don`t prison inmates just use liquid soap?
So, all theses years I thought it was the dyer making my shirts not fit. now I`m pretty sure it the refrigerator.
My left buttcheek fell asleep. I`m Half-a$$ing everything I do for the next ten minutes.
Have you ever wondered if God looks down at you in a humorous moment, chuckles to himself, and says "yeah I made that!"
It isn’t premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married, right?
I don’t know what it is but, it’s on sale.
Sometimes Google should just come back with an answer that says, `Trust me, you don`t want to know.`
The most amazing thing about the internet is how it allows you, with the click of a few buttons, to do absolutely nothing with your life
Can you do me a favour? Stand in front of my car, I need to test my brakes.
i wasnt tht drunk u was holding a ballon thinking it was a comdom
Sometimes entire relationships can only be described as “that weird thing I did for a while.”
Picking your nose doesn`t make you a bad person. .... but what you do with the booger will define you.
The bouncer from my local nightclub calls me Macauley Culkin because I always go home alone.
The guy who wrote the program that estimates how much time is left on a download did not take his job seriously at all.
Don’t judge me because I only have $4 in my pocket. Judge me because I stole it off my daughter’s night stand.