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That awkward moment when you give the same Hallmark card two years in a row.
Vodka is the answer...but I can`t remember the question.
RAIN!!!! :) I guess my rain dances must have worked. Some people call it stumbling around... I call it rain dancing.
A garbage disposal is just a device for finishing off all the food no one else in the house will eat.
I bet Batman`s cape gets stuck in the car door more times than he admits.
I don`t speak Spanish, but I`m pretty sure "Dora" means "annoying"
My new bumper sticker ... "Watch out for the idiot behind me!"
I have a stalker. Everywhere I go, she`s always there, 10 paces ahead of me...
Today`s Facebook forecast: Partly boring, increased drama, and a really good chance of bullsh*t.
That disappointing moment when you pull up to work and it`s not fully engulfed in fire.
How come the voices inside of a crazy person`s head never say shit like "hey, go to the gym" or "hey, cure cancer" or "hey, don`t be crazy"?
Sometimes I just go on Facebook to see who has been dumped and who is pregnant.
You know it`s been a good night when you wake up and see bite marks on the walls...
Not to get technical, but according to chemistry, alcohol is a solution.
Just think, there is an entire generation of idiots who will wonder: "Why did they have a hashtag button on landline phones?"