Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
No body on there deathbed said I wish I had spent more time at work
For those of you wondering what it`s like to be married, I`m on day 3 of an argument I didn`t know I was having.
I`ll take "who the f*ck would know that" for $600, Alex.
Life should be more like hockey. When someone pisses you off, you just beat the sh!t out of them then sit in a penalty box for 5 minutes.
Sometimes I worry that eating pizza isn`t a real sport.
My bank account is more like a countdown to my homelessness
The judge says I`m a repeat offender, but he always says that.
I get so excited when Facebook tells me there are hot singles in my city who want to meet me. Maybe they want to babysit!
Paying a homeless man to pee on your ex`s windshield, is just about the most fun you can have with 5 bucks.
I know its true love when I like you even when I`m sober.
If you trip and are about to fall on the ground yell "He`s got a gun!" and then you`ll look like a cool hero.
Whoever decided to color underpants white was an idiot.
Who’s that sexy beast…………..oh I clicked on my own profile again. ;)
I always found it a little counter productive when the teacher would say "Don`t get smart with me!"
I think a clear conscience is really just memory loss.