Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You seem to love cocktails... or part of it.
Why go out and pretend to like people when you have Netflix?
My internet went down for about 5 minutes earlier....so I talked to my family.....they seem like nice people!
My wallet is like an onion. When I open it.. it makes me cry.
I didn`t get your text (phrase) - I got your text, I was just too lazy to respond.
It’s funny that old people need handicap parking spots but they always manage to pick up a penny off the ground.
Here`s a joke for all you mind readers...
I relate to Game of Thrones because much like my own life, I have no idea what`s going on and there`s a lot of wine drinking.
We all have that one person we forever regret giving our phone number to.
So many Jehovah`s Witnesses and yet still not a shred of Jehovah`s Evidence.
I don`t know why they call it Everclear. I drink that stuff and everything is a blur.
In the interest of improving the workplace, my company has put up signs that say: CAUTION. OPEN DOORS SLOWLY ... My best time so far is 7 min.
Football: 22 people on the field desperately in need of rest and 75,000 in the stands desperately in need of exercise.
How long do I have to lay on the couch in the same position before I can call it "yoga"?
At least a stalker is there for you.