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At least mosquitos are attracted to me.
“A body at rest tends to stay at rest” should be an acceptable excuse for missing work.
Sometimes I think I`m a relatively smart person. Other times I put my shoes on before my pants and realize who I really am.
Marriage. Because otherwise hating someone for turning the page of a newspaper too loudly would seem absurd
Does anyone know when is the cut-off date to stop wishing someone Happy New Years?
I’m that kind of person who between two choices always pick the wrong one.
I’m bored enough to clean.
You look in good shape!!! Round is a shape isn`t it???
Even when I’m home alone, I still answer Jeopardy questions out loud.
If you tell me you`re giving something 110% then I’m assuming the extra 10% is your stupidity.
People that are organized are just too lazy to look for things.
I wish I had money so I could be eccentric instead of just weird.
Setting the alarm clock proves I`m capable of making the same mistake every day.
There is no time to check time
The biggest lie I tell myself is “I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it”