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I just passed the local college and saw 3 very fit young ladies with very tight yoga pants walking to class...I have never been so motivated to return to college.
I have many talents, but giving an f*ck isn’t one of them
I changed the audio of my GPS to a man`s voice. Now it just says "It`s around here somewhere. Keep driving for a little while."
I was visited by three spirits last night, Vodka, Rum And Gin. . .
Okay, I can`t take it anymore. What in the hell holds the blocks up in Mario Brothers?
Everyone is gifted......But not everyone opens their present
When I found out my toaster wasn`t waterproof, I was shocked!
So Monday and Tuesday sucked. But, with the right mix of caffeine, alcohol and mushrooms, Wednesday doesn´t even have to happen at all.
I don`t understand interventions. What`s the point of being told I drink too much by a room full of reasons why I drink in the first place?
For every idiot proof system devised, a new and improved idiot will arise to overcome it.
I`m CDO. It`s like OCD but the letters are in alphabetical order. LIKE THEY SHOULD BE!!!
Porn & love songs. Destroying reality forever.
They don`t say "Get down Mr. President" anymore. Now they just shout, "Donald Duck!"
A nice kid in the park informed me smoking was bad for you. So I popped his balloon with my cigarette and told him so was talking to strangers.
I ordered myself an Eastern European bride online. SO EXCITED. Just received confirmation… My Czech is in the mail!