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I`m glad I learned about parallelograms instead of how to do taxes. It`s really come in handy this parallelogram season.
Neighbor just yelled at me for playing in his sprinkler. Note to self, I should wear clothes next time.
There is no such thing as a stupid question, but there are such things as stupid people who ask questions.
April Fools Day has been cancelled this year.
People with pierced nipples have no excuse for losing their keys.
Nothing says "I`m behind on child support." like 26" spinning rims on an 86 Chevy Malibu.
Why do people post pictures of missing people on facebook?...like we are going outside.
If I would have known there would be a Facebook, I would have written "f*ck off forever" instead of "keep in touch" in your yearbook.
Damn you auto correct mind your business.
I get as much action as a white crayon.
Getting old sucks. I use to wake up feeling like a million bucks. Now I feel more like a bounced check.
Check this one out.........1
Whoever said "What goes around, comes around", never passed around a bag of Doritos......................
I`m 99% sure you think I`m weird. And I`m 100% sure I don`t care.
If you think buying condoms is awkward, you should try returning them.