Daily Silly Status

Just watched a woman in front of me walk face first into a telephone pole because she was too busy looking at her phone. I could’ve given her a heads up, but then I wouldn’t have been able to watch her walk face first into the telephone pole.

I`m not a psychologist,,, but I remember when a Hot Wheels track magically cured 80% of ADHD

When you upload photos to Fb, i`d appreciate it if you tagged your hot friends ... It makes stalking them MUCH easier, thank you!

Thanks to the State Farm commercial now I want a Falcon.

I had a blind date once, her name was ..::..::.:::::…:::::

I liked you until you started ignoring me and then I loved you. -Girls ---- Bfanch

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it´s still on the list.

That awkward moment when you gently toss your phone on the bed and it bounces off 3 walls, breaks 2 lamps and kills a cat...

Sometimes you can just tell it`s going to be a "Does not play well with others" kind of day.

I hate when my friends stand so close to me when pictures are being taken. It`s like they don`t know I plan on cropping them out later.

If someone tells you "it`s better than sex" they`re not doing the sex right.

With great power comes great electricity bill.

I don`t take steroids because I never want to look like I`m capable of helping my friends move.

A wise man once told me `Never sleep with your a$$ itching.. You`ll wake up with smelly fingers`

I wish that some of my coworkers were not allowed in the break room because those are the people I need a break from.