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No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping paper tube is still a light saber.
There`s no better reminder to visit your dentist than a trip to Walmart.
Life is not like a box of chocolates. Its more like a jar of jalapeños, what you do today can burn your a$$ tomorrow
My theory on housework is, if the item doesn´t multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be.
What about a To-Don`t List?
My son asked me to explain women to him, so I bought him an XBOX game for his Playstation.
Inspirational status of the day: Don`t be a douche.
My lucks so bad if I bought a cemetery people would stop dying.
There`s a big difference between a mechanic and a surgeon when they work on a tranny.
Maybe the government just needs to control/alt/delete and then restart in safe mode.
“Be yourself” is the worst advice you can give to some people.
Hey ladies! Great news! Those low riding, butt crack, hip hugger jeans are coming back in style!
NASA has confirmed that December 21, late afternoon, the sky will be very dark. It is an interesting phenomenon called "night".
I`m disgusted by the thought of people updating their status while sitting on the toilet like I am right now.
Show some cleavage on bad hair days.