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My car is so old the high beam switch is on the floor...
You know you are old when people keep telling you how young you look.
Gift cards: The best way to say "Here, you figure it out..."
I peed so hard that a little laugh came out
Scientists are adding an extra second to the year 2015. Yeah. Here`s the bad news. You just wasted it reading this post.
"Last man standing" is the winner in most contests, but the runner up in musical chairs.
No one ever reads the rules of Monopoly unless an argument breaks out.
I can tell people are judgmental just by looking at them.
I need more people like me in my life
Picture a scavenger hunt where the only items on the list are "your house keys" and "your house." Well, son, that`s what drinking is like.
For a generation that allowed YOLO, BAE, and KIM KARDASHIAN to happen, you sure have a lot of f*cking opinions on how things should be run.
I think I`m funny - but looks aren`t everything
Guys, freedom of speech doesn`t mean you can spell things any way you want to.
I miss the good old days..when you could slam the phone down.!!
What`s the point of a highschool reunion? I`ve got Facebook. I already know you got fat.