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Whoever lost a bundle of $20 bills tied up in a rubber band..I found the rubber band..
Why is there a show called “When animals attack”? It should be called “When stupid people go near dangerous animals.”
something about today makes me want to be hungover tomorrow
When we catch the people who kill elephants & rhinos, can we pull all their teeth first?
lol I rotfl
I was sitting in traffic the other day. That’s probably why I got run over.
If Eve sacraficed the whole human race for Apple, I wonder what she would have done for a Klondike Bar?
Do you ever wish you had a second chance to meet someone again for the first time?
I`m not drunk ... But I`m working on it.
If I drank, I`d have a lot funnier status updates on Facebook than I do now. Well, at least I`d think they were funnier.
Somehow I`m not nearly as overjoyed with this vegetable slicer as the woman on the infomercial was.
Hillybilly Word Of The Day.."Twerk"..."Welp, I`m done with lunch so I`d better get back twerk!"
I don’t love being single but I do love being happy.
My opinion of yoga pants varies depending on if I`m at the gym or if I`m at Wal-Mart or at Taco Bell.
Son, you don`t get anything in life without trying hard and working for it. Now be quiet, there about to announce the lottery results...