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Apparently when my math teacher asked `what comes after 69` "I DO" was not the correct answer.
You never realize what you have till its gone... Toilet paper is a good example.
I went to see a psychiatrist today. He told me I had a split personality and charged me $160. I gave him $80, and told him to get the rest from the other a$$hole!
There are two types of people in this world: people who pee in the shower and liars.
I need a leaf blower, but for people.
it`s friday o clock
The best things in life can`t be seen or touched....well, at least that`s what the restraining order says.
Can I tell you how terribly grateful I am that no one had cell phones, iPads or digital cameras when I had to squaredance in P.E.
What idiot named them jet skis instead of boatercycles
I`m starting to think I overuse exclamation points. It ends today. Right now. I`ll never ever use one again. I`m so excited about it. Yes.
My favorite exercise is a combination of a lunge and a crunch. It`s called lunch.
I put the “Pro” in Procrastinate.
It’s so nice outside I should probably close the blinds so there isn’t a glare on my screen.
Just killed a cricket at work, and, long story short, I`m now being asked to audition for Riverdance.
Today somebody called me a model! Well they said "poster boy for birth control", but I knew what they meant.