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Ahhh another Monday at work...... I`m having as much fun as a colorblind person playing Twister!
The only thing I love more than cake is cakes.
Tomorrow I will live in the moment, unless it`s unpleasant, in which case I will eat a cookie.
Survival rule #1: You go first.
Do these `Skinny Jeans` make my blood circulation look more than purple or less than purple?
Dating someone solely on their looks is shallow. Consider other things such as how much money they have.
Learn cursive, they said. You`ll need it your whole life, they said.
You can`t fix stupid, but you can watch it in action on Facebook every day.
Being stuck in the`` friend zone`` is like an employer refusing you for a job and calling you to complain about the person he hired.
Just once I want someone to make a movie that’s sideways on the screen so I can watch it laying down without getting a kink in my neck.
Behind every good selfie is approximately 47 nearly identical pictures that didn’t make the cut.
I could be a morning person....if morning happened around noon.
It needs more cowbell!!
Me: You`re the prettiest girl I`ve ever seen. Her: You just want to have sex with me. Me: And you`re smart too, I like that.
Billion dollar idea. A smoke detector that shuts off when you yell "I`m just cooking!"