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I bet the "YMCA" dance is a lot harder to do in different languages
I try to avoid things that make me look fat, like scales, mirrors and photographs!
I don`t know who I feel more sorry for.. myself for never being able to find where I parked my car?.. or the poor bastards following me through the parking lot hoping to take my parking space...
Have you ever been so hungry you accidentally called someone sandwich?
Sometimes when I`m bored, I pick out a girl from my list of FB friends that I`ve never actually met and then go back on her timeline and like every single post she made in like 2009......That should freak her out a bit...
The human body has 7 trillion nerves and some people manage to get on every single f*cking one of them
( )( ) =( `-` )= <( . )> ("`)("`) bunny!!
Exercise makes you look and feel better naked ... But, so does Tequila
If you`re having second thoughts, you`re 2 ahead of most people.
since when was it cool to have an iPhone at the age of 10.. i sincerely hope those parents know what they`ve done.
I hope I die doing something extreme like climbing Mt. Everest or telling a woman I don`t like her new haircut.
Thanks for the free weekend offer E-Harmony but my wife said I can`t use it.
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is that you`re stupid and make bad decisions.
Karma may "work" but I think that bitch takes a lot of days off
can´t find Sesame Street on my GPS. Can you tell me how to get there?