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I just poured myself some iced tea. I could have sworn I heard one of the beers in my fridge whisper "What the F*ck!?"
If doing things was as easy as thinking about doing things I’d get a lot more done.
It`s like nobody ever considers the consequences of getting to know me.
If you’ve ever used Urban Dictionary to compose or decipher a text, congratulations, you`re over 40.
Boobs are to men what laser pointers are to cats.
The problem with working from home is the absence of sexual harassment.
if I was a bird, I know who I´d poop on first.
I`m sorry, all I hear is your perfume
BESTFRIEND: the one you can get mad at only for a short period because you have important stuff to tell them.
Jack daniel was found dead by johnie walker at castle strt under savanna tree,captain morgan believed dat he was killed by strongbow.his 4cuzns said that he was best in j&b club at knights...
Do transformers have health insurance or car insurance???
The worst walk of shame is the one back onto the crowded elevator after getting out on the wrong floor.
Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers. Nothing bad has happened, but I’m trying to be proactive.
You know that greener grass you see over there? You do realize it`s because they fertilize it with bullsh!t right?
Remember when you thought you’d have it all together by the time you were the age you are now? LOL