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The most common name In China is Chang, correct me if you think it’s Wong.
My daughter just explained to me that these dinner postings were not real invites. I have to apologize to all my friends out there for showing up last week.
I have just one word for beautiful women with questionable morals, poor decision making skills and an insatiable sex drive ..."Hi"
The real problem with this generation is that the cartoons suck.
I put "extremely organized" on my resume and I don`t even remember what folder I saved it in..
My wife looks for signs I’m cheating, but seriously, who would make a sign?
Pet stores should post "Chameleon" on empty reptile cages just to see how long people would stand and look.
There are now 4 sides to every story. Yours, mine, the truth & the Internets version.
A night of insomnia is usually followed by a morning of browser history clearing
Coffee: So I can do nothing with more energy.
A cop comes up to a man on the street. Cop: Seen anything unusual? Man: A dolphin with a hat once. Cop: I mean around here. Man: No, they live in water.
If I’ve learned anything from these ghost hunter shows, it’s that everyone speaks English after they die.
Most people who think I`m a nice person have no idea that I`d trade any one of my kids for a deep dish pizza.
If the best things in life really are free, why am I still getting charged at the liquor store? I call bullshit