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Dear automatic flushing toilet. I appreciate the enthusiasm, but I wasn`t quite finished...
Just once when they interview a serial killer’s neighbor I’d like to hear them say “Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me, he was a real Weirdo”
I am currently unsupervised ... I know, it freaks me out too. But the possibilities are endless!
I let a girl go through my phone recently so a colonoscopy really doesn’t scare me anymore.
I bet Batman`s cape gets stuck in the car door more times than he admits.
I`m watching a show about surviving in the wild in case I ever decide to log off and go outside.
Coffee: fueling you for a job you can`t stand to support a life you never wanted. Tastes good though...
Did you ever think that one day you would be this addicted to reading and writing?
Hey I just met you, and this is crazy. But add me on Facebook and I`ll stalk you (maybe)
A new study found that legalizing marijuana in Colorado has created more than 10,000 jobs...by keeping Taco Bell open 24 hours.
People with pierced nipples have no excuse for losing their car keys.
I`m kinda like an onion, not in some deep I have layers way, but if you see me naked, you`ll cry.
Maybe one day a loooong time ago a kid decided to play hide and seek with his pet Bigfoot but just didn`t explain the game properly.
My medic alert bracelet warns first responders that I kiss back during CPR
I was wondering why some couples don`t go to the gym together but I guess some relationships just don`t work out...