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I never know the proper etiquette with the pizza delivery guy. Do I kiss him before or after paying him?
The guy below me obviously doesn`t know that R2-D2 is in movies, not television
Funny how 8 glasses of water a day seems impossible, but 8 beers a day seems so easy
When I bang my toe against something, it’s like I pressed a button that plays every curse word I know.
Roman Numerals...what are they good IV?
All I`m saying is why blame it on being lazy when you can blame it on being old...
I’m that kind of person who between two choices always pick the wrong one.
We get it people on Facebook. You`re married, you have kids, you`re happy. Calm down.
Finally got my sh!t together... Now if I can just remember where I put it
I`ve been hiding from exercise ... I`m in the fitness protection program.
Don`t you just want to write on some people`s Facebook wall "you peaked in High School".?
My favorite exercise is a combination of a lunge and a crunch. It`s called lunch.
People who argue on their cell phones in public should have to do it on speakerphone so the rest of us can get both sides.
I like to walk by a chick in slow motion so she thinks i`m the one
Monday morning coffee is just as important as friday night liquor....almost.