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So, when is this Old Enough To Know Better thing supposed to kick in?
Warning: this life contains strong language, adult situations and nudity.
You know something bad is about to happen when someone says "Hold my beer and watch this."
i never said i knew what i was doing, i said i was going to do it anyway :)
You can really scare someone when you yell "Peek-a-boo!". Especially when they`re trying on clothes in the fitting room.
Job interview: Please tell us why you’d love to work for us? ME: I need money :)
Ex Girlfriend: Omg! I had a dream about you last night!! Ex Boyfriend: Aww thats so sweet, what happend? Ex Girlfriend: U died :)
If these people don’t start giving better advice, I’m no longer going to allow them in my head.
You know its a bad day when your fat pants are tight :(
Even if your life was a total waste of space, there’s always hope that you’ll die in a weird enough way to make a CSI episode.
I keep my landline active because I know sooner or later Trinity or Morpheus will contact me.
The saddest thing about St. Patrick`s Day is taking down all my Christmas decorations.
I have no idea how I used to look for things in the dark before I had a cellphone.
This morning I surveyed 100 women and asked them what shampoo they used when showering. 98 of them said, "How did you get in here?"
Friends that are with you during your darkest times probably didn’t pay their electric bill either.