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Tomorrow is International "Cook a Steak and Then Throw It to a Seagull" Day. Get involved. Don`t question it.
Those kids in the Trix commercials were real jerks. Why couldn’t they just share their cereal with the rabbit?
Not sure if my dog is barking for no reason or I’m about to be murdered.
If a girl texts you and asks if you think she`s fat and you try to respond "Nooo" autocorrect changes it to "Moo" so that`s pretty cool.
Never realized how out of shape I was until I started sweating after using scissors for 30 seconds.
I plan on being up really late tonight making voodoo dolls for, well, nevermind, you will know who you are soon enough
You`ve got to love yourself ... Just not in public places
One day I shall rule the World! Until then, I`m going to bed
If you need some help at Home Depot and are being ignored, get on one of their step ladders.
I never let anyone see me eat junk food. Not because I`m afraid they will judge me. I just don`t want to share.
I`m more indecisive than a John in a brothel with gold credit card.
I`ve decided that throughout the time period starting with Thanksgiving, continuing on to Christmas and ending on New Years Day, the term `Calories" regarding all food shall be referred to as "Deliciousness Points."
Beer never asks me if I think another beer is prettier than it.
Just tried to put my seatbelt on ... at my desk ... I`m pretty.
I deserve an Oscar for my performance in "Holy crap this is a terrible gift but I`ll pretend to love it."