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I don`t wanna make this weird but that`s just kinda how I do things.
Of all the things I have lost in life I mis my mind the most
I don`t try to annoy people; its just a gift.
Every time I get an eyelash in my eye, I`m reminded of how quickly I would die in the wild
I wish pillsbury would think of another way to open biscuits without giving you a heart attack ;)
The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.
People with pierced nipples have no excuse for losing their car keys.
I think God created marriage so death wouldn`t come as such a disappointment.
"The secret is that it`s all in the wrist!" -My grandfather talking about golf or handjobs or something
My best stories always end with the words ... "and then I got the hell out of there."
If you`re behind someone at an ATM at night, let them know you`re not a threat by gently kissing their neck.
I did a push-up today. Well, actually I fell down, but had to use my arms to get back up, so close enough. Now I need a beer.
I`d be much more attracted to you if you were much more attractive.
Sometimes I zone out and forget what Iām supposed to be doing, and then I remember and take a drink of my beer.
I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey but i turned myself around and THAT`S what it`s all about