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I believe in magic because it`s the only way to explain how fitted sheets get folded.
I don`t necessarily enjoy being the bad influence...but hey, somebody has to do it!
My Wife: Why are you home so early? Me: My boss told me to go to hell
I find it most unfair that the dentist in this neighborhood hands out toothbrushes for Halloween but the pharmacist doesn`t hand out drugs.
The best way to grill a chicken is to whack it with a rubber hose before you ask why it crossed the road..
Alex, I`ll take WTF for a $1000
She deleted and blocked me so I guess you can say we`re taking it slow now.
I decided I really need to read more. I watch way to much TV ... So I turned on the subtitles.
Happy St. Patrick`s Day! I was going to drink anyway!
Just saw a homeless dude with a sign reading "Hungry Hungry Hobo"... I shouldn`t laugh right?
All through school I assumed they saved the number 1 pencils for the smart kids
The fact that jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not have brains is great news for stupid people.
Instead of LOL, try SALTS ( smiled a little, then stopped)
Good thing I got a college degree I think as I put away the kid toys for the 49 billionth time
I have noticed that everyone who is for abortion, has already been born.