Daily Silly Status

My girlfriend thinks I`m a stalker. . . . well. . . she`s not exactly my girlfriend yet.

I’m shy at first, but once I’m comfortable with you get ready for some crazy sh!t.

If you’ve ever used Urban Dictionary to compose or decipher a text, congratulations, you`re over 40.

My father was never proud of me. One day he asked me, "How old are you?" I said, "I`m five." He said, "When I was your age I was six."

I never thought I’d be the type of person who would get up early in the morning to exercise. I was right.

I think I`m approaching my "best if used by" date

My girlfriend JUST spent the ENTIRE day arguing that she isn`t stubborn.. :|

I wish I could select all my responsibilities and press delete.

I wouldn`t consider myself someone that litters but I do turn on my windshield wipers while im driving down the road to get rid of that useless flyer some idiot put on my car when I quickly run into the store.

Alcohol doesn`t get people drunk, people get people drunk. Drunk people get other drunk people extra drunk.

I’m in big trouble if my coworkers find out that I really don’t have Tourette’s

I hate it when I open Facebook and miss a week of work.

You`re right, vodka. This is the perfect time to use a hammer.

Ugh, I forgot to go to the gym today. That`s 9 years in a row now...

I don`t know karate, but I do know crazy, and I`m not afraid to use it.