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Kids may be a gift, but I like playing with the box it came in.
For those who do not know what ADHD can do to a person, let me expla.....oooh look i got a text message.
I take a large amount of pride in always being prepared for a nap.
Birthday sex is just like regular sex but you are dissapointed that more people didn`t come.
I will have you know I have FRIENDS! All 10 seasons.
A boob job sounds like the best job in the world.
If listening to stupid people burned calories, I`d be a supermodel.
Side boob is only hot on women, bro.
Its amazing how many people respond to "Hey Dumba$$!"
Sometimes Google should just come back with a message that says “trust me, you don’t want to know.”
Google must be a woman...it knows everything.
It`s not hotter this year. It`s just that you are fatter and there is more surface area for the sun to hit.
Recent survey asked people in the U.S if there are too many immigrants: 17% said yes, 83% said Lo siento, no hablan Inglés
Save some time and just put your Taco Bell directly in the toilet.
In other news millions of facebook user suddenly got their law degree