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I hate when all the silverware is dirty and I`m down to using the giant decorative fork that hangs on the wall.
Stop complaining about being single. We have bigger problems here. Like why McDonald’s doesn’t serve breakfast after 10:30.
The woman that just drove past me was either doing a huge yawn or her brakes have failed....
If your dog loves hanging his head out the window of the car as you are driving, but growls when you blow in his face, you may need a breath mint.
My level of sarcasm has reached a dangerous level where even I don`t know if I`m kidding or not.
I wish my wallet came with free refills.
Do you think the inventor of the USB will be buried twice? The 2nd time because they put him in the wrong way?
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Some people repeat themselves when they`re drunk & some people repeat themselves when they`re drunk.
There`s a time and a place for non-alcoholic beer. Never, and down the drain.
DO NOT expect a "Bless You" after your 3rd sneeze. Get that sh!t under control.
Beer: The WD40 for conversations.
Oh the weather outside is frightful, And this booze is damn delightful
The saying, "Say no to drugs" has always made me laugh. If you`re talking to drugs, it`s probably too late to say no to them.
People with no money sure do have a lot of pot.