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It`s funny how when you post a status and some people think it`s about them..Hahahaha it was.
On the bright side, I`m relieved we live in a society where we acknowledge that the people who make sandwiches are artists.
Hair growing from my ears and nostrils doesn`t mean I`m getting old, right? Means I`m turning into a werewolf! Right?
“What doesn’t kill you makes you smaller.” ~Mario
They should have cell phone chargers in waiting rooms instead of magazines.
I`ll show up at the gym when they put in a drive-thru.
If women really knew what men think, there would be restraining orders on all men.
"Hello Kitty" should have been a brand of condoms...
Let’s all take a moment and be thankful spiders can’t fly.
I`m going to go take a hot shower, it`s like a normal shower but with me in it
If you really loved your kids, you would teach them to say their alphabet forwards AND backwards. They`ll thank you later.
I need professional help. A chef and a butler should do it.
I`m not fat. My stomach is in 3D
Insomnia improves your math skills. You spend all night calculating how much sleep you`ll get if you "fall asleep right now".
I sometimes get road rage just pushing a shopping cart though a grocery store!