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It’s like these fools at the gym have never seen someone with roller skates on the treadmill before.
My wife is going to the hair salon today so for the next few hours I will be practising my reaction.
Million Dollar Idea: Hire a bunch of people with OCD and start a cleaning company.
Don`t ever, ever EVER!!! Touch a crazy man`s food!!! I will STAB YOU WITH A SPOON!
I have Beer.
I will not let people drive me crazy because I know it`s in walking distance.
Weird that we don`t see more pants on fire
You know its a bad day when your fat pants are tight :(
"Something`s wrong. He`s never walked this far before."- what my shoes would say if you walked a mile in them.
In grade school it’s called bullying but when you get older it’s referred to as upper level management.
"The more the merrier": My excuse for extra food.
Life is simple. Eat. Sleep. Update Facebook status.
Karma means I can rest easy at night knowing all the people I treated badly had it coming.
Look, here’s the deal: If you’re into immature, sexually compulsive men who drink too much and need to be the center of attention at all times, you are going to find me very attractive.
I try and inspire at least one person everyday to leave me the f*ck alone.