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Science is just a numbery way to explain magic.
Sometimes I like to go to the hardware store and run around with a screwdriver shouting, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is not a drill!"
Redneck Word : debate...i was gonna go fishin today but forgot to bring debate
I hate when a couple argues in public but I missed the start and don`t know whose side I`m on.
Grab the bull by the horns. The other end is too gross...
When I`m bored, I dress up as Waldo, walk up to strangers (in a crowded airport), and say "psssst... if ANYBODY asks......YOU ain`t seen me... capiche?"
Much of my life is a contest to see which of the voices in my head can say the funniest stuff.
Ways to tell a woman is mad at you: 1. She is silent. 2. She is yelling. 3. She acts different. 4. She acts the same. 5. She kills you.
A good way to mess with a jogger is to run up alongside him and say, “It’s okay, I think we lost him.”
It turns out if you cry at the DMV they`ll let you take a second photo
What do women say when they are actually fine?
Damn, it`s like these people have never seen anyone bring a flask to the gym before.
Sometimes you have to photoshop your life. Touch up edges, adjust the tones, blur the background, focus on yourself & crop some people out.
I`m 99% sure you think I`m weird. And I`m 100% sure I don`t care.
If I had a crystal ball to see 5 years in the future, I would have 2020 vision.