Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You say `pervert with a telescope` ... I say `biological astronomer`.
I tend to say “I don’t know” when I’m too lazy to think.
"Please don`t put a million dumb photos of me on your Facebook... it just annoys your friends" - Every baby
Marriage tip: Don`t
I just drink until the sadness becomes hilarious.
I just ordered a Life Alert bracelet so if I ever get a life I`ll be notified immediately.
I hate sharing popcorn with someone at the cinema and our fingers touch. Especially if I don`t know them, and they don`t know we`re sharing.
When I drink alcohol.. everyone says I`m an alcoholic. But.. When I drink Fanta.. no one says I`m fantastic.
People should be loved. Things should be used. Unfortunately, we have it backwards
You should see the sh!t I don`t post.
If you are going to write in the dust on my car, please dont date it
For my next trick, I’ll turn this 12 pack of beer into drunk dialing/texting.
I hate it when I tell someone I`ll be there in 10 minutes, but they continue to call me every half-hour anyway
I’m going to be very busy in the afterlife. the list of people I’m going to haunt grows everyday.
My horoscope says I will meet the woman of my dreams today. Not sure how my wife will take the news but I`m pretty damn excited.