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I never know the proper etiquette with the pizza delivery guy. Do I kiss him before or after paying him?
It`s Thanksgiving. Don`t forget to set your scale back 25 lbs
I often fantasize about lying naked in bed, surrounded by various bags of chips and I have octopus arms so I can eat all the chips at once.
I log off because I`m bord... I log on 5min later because I`m bord
Yes, milk from cows tastes nice. But to the person that first found that out...you have issues bro
It takes one slow walking person in the grocery store, to remove the illusion that I`m a nice person.
There’s a very short list of things you can have in your hand while running without looking crazy.
I`ve been told that I can be condescending... that means that I tend to talk down to people.
No matter how bad your day seems, just remember that someone out there has to clean the bathroom at Taco Bell.
Word for the day is asstard
Get off your high horse. Seriously, it’s not safe to ride any animal that’s stoned.
Time to get Star Spangled hammered. Happy 4th you crazy Americans.
Yea, there is no "I" in team... but there sure is "ME".
It’s amazing how easily “I have 10 minutes to waste before I need to leave” accidentally turns into “oh crap I’m running late.”
A recent study has found that woman who carry little extra weight live longer then the man who mention it