Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
"I ran a half marathon" sounds so much better than "I quit halfway through a marathon"
My wallet is like an onion. When I open it.. it makes me cry.
If you have a parrot and you don’t teach it to say,”Help, they’ve turned me into a parrot” ...you`re wasting everybody’s time.
Someone told me I`m immature and need to grow up. Guess who`s not allowed in my treehouse now.
I always get a nice safe feeling whenever I see a police car and I realize I`m not driving around with a trunkful of cocaine.
No matter how little I do in a day. I always feel like I could have done less.
My bank account is more like a countdown to my homelessness
It`s just a matter of time before they add the word "Syndrome" after my last name.
No matter how bad your day seems, just remember that someone out there has to clean the bathroom at Taco Bell.
How to tell if your wife is mad at you - Step 1. She is
I think I`m the drunkest person at this bed bath and beyond.
Bored, so I’m going to find a kid that looks like me and tell him I’m him from the future.
Do you think when Spider-Man gets stoned with Batman and the Hulk he sometimes thinks the spider on his chest is real and freaks out?
I looked up "thesaurus" in my thesaurus and it says "Don`t be a smart-ass".
It`s never your successful friends posting inspirational quotes on Facebook.