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Her: Do I look fat? Him: Do I look stupid?...
Is "blowjob" one word or two words? God I hate writing thank you cards. -Bfanch
Babysitters are just teenagers who behave like adults so that adults can go out and behave like teenagers.
Iām not a picky eater or anything but I will look at both sides of a Dorito before I eat it to decide if its got a good cheesy dust ratio.
Grey Goose and Red Bull, because two sets of wings is better than one.
I`m pretty sure country music singers are all just the same guy wearing different hats.
I used to make fun of my dog for barking at dogs on TV until I caught myself in the car pulling over for a siren on the radio.
When I`m really bored at work I like to write "I`m watching you" on the toilet paper a few squares in just to mess with people.
Targeted ads are trying to sell me a new mattress nowadays. With how much Google knows about me you`d think they`d cap themselves at something like $5 footlongs or stationary.
After the expiration date on poison, is it more potent or less potent?
If only someone on the internet would give me their opinion on the election.
I`m only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand
Nobody really dates anymore. You just make eye contact, text, hang out, and next thing you know all her clothes are in your closet....
My date is in 2 hours, which means I have very little time to fix my glasses and fix my bangs and get a career and lose 50 pounds
The club sandwich, for when a knuckle sandwich just isn`t enough...