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Welcome to my Facebook wall. Straight jackets are on your left, meds are on the table, and if you hurry, you can still get a seat in group therapy . . . have fun!
Jealously is something you’re good at when you suck at everything else.
You can pretty much text anything as long as you put a happy face emoticon afterwards. You`re a slut :)
happy 3rd birthday to the tartar sauce in my fridge
My doctor asked me if I drink to excess. I told him I would drink to anything.
The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.
I`m happy that my grandma thinks that a iPad is for wet and leaking eyes
I never said I was better than everyone else, just better than you.
If you’re a size 0 we shouldn’t be able to see you.
Women might be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake a whole relationship.
Teacher: what comes after 69. Little Johnny: Mouthwash. Teacher: Get out!!!
Happy 4/21! National work drug testing day!
Sometimes all you need is a hug or someone to tell you everything will be ok, or some rough sex or whatever....
I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food. :)
It takes patience to listen. It takes skill to pretend you’re listening.