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Two days is not enough time for a weekend.
If you live in a custom-built house that doesn’t have a secret room hidden behind a fake bookcase, then seriously what is the point?
Since there’s only one of me, does that make me an endangered species?
I`ll never understand why single women waste so much time on dating websites when there are so many eligible bachelors right here in this adult bookstore.
The early bird gets the worm but the second mouse gets the cheese.
My definition of" Armed and Dangerous" is: a pissed off wife with a bottle of wine, and the credit cards.
If I text with “Almost there!” I haven’t left yet.
In a parallel alternate universe, my cat and my dog have jobs and I chill at home.
I was in a taxi and the driver said "I love my job. I`m my own boss and nobody tells me what to do!" I said "That`s really great, now take a left here."
justin bieber
I need medical attention, but I will settle for just regular attention.
The funny moment when a fat kid says "that`s how I roll".
My friend told me his girlfriend talks a lot in her sleep..Apparently "I know" was not the right answer...
Didn`t have to do much to end my last relationship...she first told me that "opposites attract"...then a couple of days later she told me i was handsome, kind, smart, funny and loving...
Elevator music bothers me on so many levels