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Screw it, Iām starting Friday now.
*Removes smoke detector battery *Cooks in silence
Fighting is bad. Breaking up a fight between a douchebag and the bar owner is good. Thank God I`m a ninja.
I am a completely different person when I`m not under female supervision.
You`re so dumb you have to get naked to count to 21.
It saddens me to think that I`ll never be able to watch my own a$$ as I walk away :(
If your girlfriend claims to never look at your Facebook profile, change your status to "single" and wait 5 minutes.
Sometimes, in life, all you really need is a lot of money.
We are the only ones who can control our own happiness, but sometimes it feels like someone else is holding the remote.
I have officially bought the first batch of Halloween candies that will not make it to Halloween.
I was wondering why my doctor gave me LSD for my constipation, then I saw a dragon and crapped myself.
If people winked in real life as much as they do in texts, the world would be a really creepy place.
When people stare at me, I assume its because they are taking notes on how to be a bad a$$ motherf*cker.
What if Justin Bieber is also Miley Cyrus? I mean have you ever seen them in one place at the same time?
My plans for GTA 5: Beat the crap outta people, Steal a cops gun, Jack a convertible, Rob a bank, Jump off a building, Go to GameStop, Buy GTA 5