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Life is basically trying to meet better people than the ones you currently know.
Unless you discovered a dead body, I don`t want to hear about your morning jog.
Just in: Chinese people confirm they were just messing with us with chopsticks. "You guys look like dumb idiots lol" says one Chinese guy
Someone told me I`m immature and need to grow up. Guess who`s not allowed in my treehouse now.
Three guys walk into a bar. Two ended up with a concussion, the other needed 4 stitches.
I’M ENGAGED…..to be hungover tomorrow.
The average man thinks about sex every tits seconds
I can`t afford a therapist so i bought a mood ring
I really worried about which selfie my family would put on the news if I ever went missing.
If you`re in WalMart and you`re holding in a fart, just remember, YOU`RE IN WALMART!!
So I met an Egyptian ... they walk just like us.
Roses are cars, violets are buckets. This poem makes no sense. Eyeballs.
My idea of drinking responsibly is using a coaster.
When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it´s for them?
Nothing says IDGAF like an old lady at a slot machine wearing oxygen and smoking a cigarette.