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I just love having sex with you...Next time I hope you are there with me.
The weekend went by and I don’t remember any of it. That’s a good thing right?
Dear Mother-in-Law, Do not tell me how to handle my child, I am living with one of yours and he needs a lot of improvement.
Dear Costumer Service: I wonder how long I`d be on hold if my call wasn`t important to you?
Life is never more confusing than when three people get together to order one pizza.
The bed is always the comfiest right at the time you are supposed to be getting out of it
You think your wife is crazy now? Try divorcing her
I`ve just seen an advert in my local newspaper. ACCOUNTANT NEEDED! $35,000 - $40,000 So I called them up and said, "The answer is -$5,000."
Life Insurance: Let me get this right. I pay you until I die, then someone ELSE gets the money?
Just got back from a job fair. Very disappointed. They didn`t have one damn ride.
I don`t need your advice. I do a great job of screwing up my life all by myself, thank you!
Still waiting on the "Once you go black, you`ll never go back" episode of Mythbusters.
I get very competitive at "All You Can Eat Buffets."
Kinda hypocritical of me to complain about people who send mixed signals seeing as the mat in front of my door says "welcome"...
Don’t judge me because I only have $4 in my pocket. Judge me because I stole it off my daughter’s night stand.