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Detective: “The victim musta had company. There’s 2 dirty plates in the sink.” If I ever get murdered they’ll think I had 16 people over.
"There`s nothing sexier than a chick that knows how to work on cars" -Dudes, trying to get us to do that job too.
Sorry I referred to your baby shower as a gift extortion party.
"We`re pregnant!" -people who don`t understand science
Quiet people have the loudest minds.
My last post deserves WAY more likes than that....let`s go people....chop chop!
"What doesn`t kill you makes you smaller." -Super Mario
Actually, I prefer to smile on the `inside`, then no one knows what you`re up to....
The Internet: where no one is afraid to say the first thing that pops into their head.
Hard liquor because I don`t don`t have time or patience to sit around drinking 9 bottles of wine every day
I just want to be as thin as my patience.
I hate when I wake up in a strange house, & have to go outside to look at a license plate to figure out what state I`m in.
Is your drama going to have an intermission soon? I need to pee.
I`m not real excited that the wrapping on my toilet paper said `100% Recycled`.
OK so i have an idea ............... wait why are you all running away?