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Ever had sex while camping!? It`s intents!
Have you ever been so hungry you accidentally called someone sandwich?
“Until death do us part” means we’re all single in heaven, right?
There`s no law against twerking...but apparently it`s still frowned upon during jury duty.
How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you’re on.
Why is it that when you work very hard, you say you are working like a dog? Every dog I`ve ever known is lazy and sleeps 16 hours a day.
Single ? I`m not single, I`m in a long standin relationship with fun and freedom ! ;)
You could give me 45 years to do homework and I still wouldn’t do it until the night before.
Playing dead in the supermarket to avoid having a conversation with someone you know attracts more attention than I anticipated...go figure.
I feel it`s important for you to know, no matter what I`m faced with and when given the option, I am that guy who will send you a voice-mail marked confidential.
Sorry I`m late, I didnt want to come
I hate when you tell someone you’re bored, and they suggest getting together. Then you have to explain that you’re not quite that bored.
Depresso; the feeling you get when you`ve run out of coffee.
Smile. It makes people wonder what you´re up to.
I`m not real excited that the wrapping on my toilet paper said `100% Recycled`.