Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Calm down mechanic guy. Just here for an oil change. If I wanted to know about all the other shit wrong with my car I`d turn the radio down.
You might be addicted to Facebook if you read my post`s every day...
Age has its advantages. Too bad I can`t remember what they are.
Recipes sound good until you realize that you don`t have $846 worth of spices in your house.
It`s so nice to come home and relax with Facebook after a long day at the office being on Facebook.
Never tell a lie ... unless it is absolutely convenient
Often think if I`d taken a different path in life, I could be lying on a slightly more comfortable sofa right now.
I did not mean to hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I just figured you already knew.
Give fat people a break. They have a lot on their plate.
I`ll never be to old to redecorate your garden gnomes in the middle of the night.
It`s a good thing not everyone has a smartphone. Someone has to honk when the light turns green.
Don`t fall in love, learn how to ruin your life all by yourself.
Is food porn star a thing yet??
My last boyfriend used to smile and say "I love you" to me every morning as he left for work. At least I think that`s what he was saying. It can be tricky to lip read through binoculars.
Women are like bacon: they look good, they smell good, they taste good, and they will slowly kill you