Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Sometimes I don`t go big just so I can go home.
Calm down mechanic guy. Just here for an oil change. If I wanted to know about all the other shit wrong with my car I`d turn the radio down.
Cop: This is a ticket for drunk and disorderly behavior. Me: Can I have another? I`d love to bring a guest.
Every so often I’ll listen to my wife talk non stop for hours at a time, to remind myself why people wander into traffic without looking.
I dont know about you guys, but I am amazed Pringles is able to constantly grow the same shaped potato. Science.
Sometimes when I`m bored, I pick out a girl from my list of FB friends that I`ve never actually met and then go back on her timeline and like every single post she made in like 2009......That should freak her out a bit...
Today`s Facebook forecast: Partly boring, increased drama, and a really good chance of bullsh*t.
Right now my life is about as organized as the $5 DVD bin at Wal-mart.
If a gay guy doesn`t write a book called "Fifty Shades of Haaaaaayyy" I`ll be disappointed.
Twinkle twinkle little star, I want to hit you with my car.
FYI....just in case something happens.....The cashier at the liquor store down the street is my emergency contact person.
Considering that dogs pee to mark territory, they probably think humans are constantly battling over who gets to claim the toilet.
“That’s funny” is something I say when I can’t even fake a laugh.
I just want to be rich enough to pay people to not talk to me.
I was in my kitchen cleaning when suddenly I realized OMG! ... I`m late for Facebook!!