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There is a fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness.”
Imagine how bad it would be if everyone could hear what you were thinking.
All milk is breast milk.
It`s just a matter of time before they add the word "Syndrome" after my last name.
I tried being modest once, as expected I was amazing at it.
You will never find the right person, if you do not let go of the wrong one. Call me!
If the plan is “drink beer now, figure out life later” then yes, everything is going according to plan.
I went to the doctor for a check up and he says I`m going to live. But I think he`s wrong and it`s just a matter of time.
Man I wanna throw a book at someones face and be like "I Facebooked you!"
I`m 84% less productive in a swivel chair.
I just put Santa hats on all my Halloween decorations.
Sometimes I zone out and forget what I’m supposed to be doing, and then I remember and take a drink of my beer.
I love you Mario, but you need to stop taking shrooms, breaking into haunted houses, and killing turtles! You have a dinosaur to take care of.
“Make it rain” is the only appropriate response when asked if you want freshly grated parmesan.
All I’m saying is, you’ve never seen me crying and eating tacos at the same time.