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I can`t wait for the day when my kids are old enough that I can drink with them and not because of them.
I didn`t want to grow up; I just wanted to be able to reach the cookies.
Things I didn`t learn in high school... how to pay bills buy a house apply for college but thank goodness I can graph a polynomial function.
Pumpkin for sale. Slightly used
I’m just going to put an “Out of Order” sticker on my forehead and call it a day.
If you surround yourself with people funny enough to make you laugh till your abs hurt, you’ll never have to work out!
Progress is made by lazy people looking for an easier way to do things
Show me a bunch of people with type A personalities, and I`ll show you a control group.
Waking up an hour early gives you an extra hour to wish you were still in bed.
If cleanliness is next to godliness, then my car is Satan`s chariot.
I`ll never fly Virgin Airlines. Why would anyone want to fly an airline that doesn`t go all the way.
Well, today was a complete waste of clean clothes.
You know you are the ugly one if they ask you to take the photo.
My boss acts like during March Madness is the only time we`re less productive. Its cute
Having a pen!s is like having a friend that always wants to play.