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Sometimes all you need is $500 million dollars.
Maybe it`s the washer and not the dryer that steals the socks.
Only in America: We have a holiday devoted to gratitude & then less than 12 hrs later beat the sh!t out of each other for a $10 crockpot.
I work out ... Just kidding, I take naps.
So many idiots, so few nuclear warheads....
Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
Be thankful your GPS doesn`t get PMS: “Fine! Turn whichever way you want! You never listen to me anyway!”
Famous words from Fergie... "Boom Boom Pow!" Happy 4th of July!!
If I`ve learned anything from these ghost hunter shows, it`s that everyone speaks English after they die.
This is 2016. How come I can`t email someone a fart when I feel like it?
Please God cure my hangover and I promise I will never drink again, also please forgive me in advance for lying about never drinking again.
I just want to be rich enough to be referred to as eccentric instead of crazy.
I`ve been waiting all winter to complain about the summer heat
Laugh now but at the rate they are reproducing, the people of Walmart may one day take over the world.
The Spanish version of the Subway jingle “65.63 Peso 0.3 meter largo” isn’t quite as catchy…