Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Have you ever seen the look on a mans face when he is truly sorry? Yeah, me either!
I`m as nutty as a squirell fart
is available for rebound sex.
I`m home by myself this evening. My wife is out at Kohl`s buying another load of laundry.
Shout out to the new couples still holding in farts.
If you really think about it, "Nightlife" is just a fancy word for drinking alcohol at a place that isn`t your house.
It’s been close to a million years since I exaggerated about anything.
If the plan is “drink beer now, figure out life later” then yes, everything is going according to plan.
Getting drunk and listening to loud music solves 87% of all life`s problems
Marriage. The world`s oldest form of identity theft.
I don`t know why I even bother chewing corn.
When your boss says "You need help", he never means a hitman.
I wouldn`t say I "missed" your call.
Surprise your wife today. Sell all her shoes and buy something nice for yourself.
It takes me like three days to wake up in the morning.