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Worry: a waste of imagination.
There should be a day in between Saturday and Sunday.
When all else fails… Pizza & Beer.
Here`s a list of helpful tips for meeting a great girl: 1. Don`t be me.
Men are like lottery tickets. Very exciting at first, until you scratch away the surface to reveal the loser beneath.
My Hamster passed today, he fell asleep at the wheel.
Suggested movie theater prices: Adults - $9.00, Under 12 - $ 6.00, Under 3 - $249.00
To understand paranoid people better, follow them around.
Is it so much to ask that everyone who ever wronged me be forced to leave the country and change their identity?
If you didn’t want me stopping by for cake, you shouldn`t have advertised your birthday with balloons & banner on your mailbox.
I can`t wait for Taylor Swift to break up with a black guy, so she can write a rap album!
I hung a horseshoe above the door for goodluck ... My wife still came home ... Superstitions are stupid.
Thanks for sharing your moon with me on Instagram. We don`t have a moon where I live.
Going through the dealership lot with the salesman, pointing at every car and asking, "what kinda robot does that one turn into?"
Someone stole my identity and returned it 10 minutes later.