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Before I die, I`m putting fake treasure maps behind all my picture frames.
is available for rebound sex.
Three weeks without a signal typo!
Pandora has spoiled me. Five seconds into any conversation and I`m looking for the thumbs-down button.
Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
I love that moment when I`m cruising down the highway listening to country music and I suddenly realize "wait a minute I can change the station!"
Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to .... unless your in prison!!!
Diamonds are the hardest substance in the world ... to get back from a woman
I`m not fat. My stomach is in 3D
“People will believe anything if you whisper it.”
Some people are like eye-candy... I`m more like eye-meatloaf.
My relationship is mostly me apologizing for saying something super bada$$ and hilarious
Darn right I’m good in bed. ...I can sleep for days.
We`re like hot chocolate and marshmallows. You`re hot, and I wanna be on top of you.
My haters only have one advantage over me. They can kiss my a$$, I can`t.