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All women want is to have a relationship with an intelligent man. The only problem is, intelligent men don’t get into relationships.
Laxatives............for people who don`t give a crap.
Often I convince myself I enjoy the company of other humans. Then I spend time with them and remember I don`t.
I wonder if clouds ever look down on us and say "Hey look. That one is shaped like an idiot
I’m giving up on the silent treatment. ...Going to start talking to myself again.
"Just Be yourself" is something I rarely hear from people who know me well.
I`ve been around the block a few times, but then my neighbor realized I was drunk and helped me into my house.
Never make eye contact while eating a banana
A colon is used to indicate a list of elements to the sentence preceding it. A semicolon is for making winky faces.
I found the key to happiness ... Stay away from a$$holes.
Not clicking like on this status makes your a$$ look fat.
I just fell down the stairs holding a guitar and accidentally wrote a One Direction song.
If you try to pronounce “lmao” you sound like a french cat.
A friend of mine told me i have to update my self and I asked my self : does he mean there can be a latest version of me?
My boss hates it when I shorten his name to D!ck, Especially since his name is Steve.