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Of course I talk to myself. I need to have an intelligent conversation every now and then.
They say in the near future computers will become more intelligent than people, really, the near future? I walk down the street and see girls who struggle with the difference between orange and tanned, guys who have no idea how a belt works, and all of them with less language skills then the average trained chimp. Computers? Hell I’ve got an alarm clock that’s smarter than most of them right now.
I was born to make mistakes, not to fake perfection.
I just saved a ton of money on my car insurance! ..By driving away and not leaving a note.
DATING TIP: never reveal how many cats you have.
To all those who received a book from me as a Christmas present, they are due back at the library today.
you have lips ….. i have lips …… interesting
Every time the grocery baggers ask if I want help to my car, I feel like telling them yes and climbing in the cart.
Boys will be boys. Girls will be girls. Koalas will be koalas. Just about everything will be the things they are. That`s how this works.
Why do they even offer 2014 as an option when selecting your birth date? Like you’re fresh out of the womb ready to join Gmail.
I don`t understand why I cant lose weight. I thought dieting was a piece of cake.
Bring a side? Like, of alcohol?
A murderer was about to be put to death in the electric chair. "Do you have any last requests?" asked the chaplain. "One," he replied. "Will you hold my hand?"
Most of happiness just comes from staying away from idiots.
My therapist keeps saying that I should really stop talking to inanimate objects.....but he`s a lamp...what does he know....