Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
So you`ll be able to buy Girl Scout Cookies online this year ... Your move Weight Watchers
It makes me sad that so many women feel like they have to wear makeup and clothes.
Why would I buy a pumpkin at the store for $5 when I can drive 30 miles and pay to walk through a field to pick our own for $27.
Note to self: don’t set your password reminder as “you should know this”
The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
Just changed my wireless network name in my apartment to "I can hear you having sex through the ceiling and it sounds mediocre."
All the good ones are either taken or imaginary.
Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.
The fastest way to find out if your wife is just pretending to be asleep to avoid sex is to pick up her phone and start scrolling.
I`m paying my taxes with a smile, but they wrote me back saying they want cash.
How I talk: 25% swearing, 25% sarcasm 50% a combination of both.
Just started a new exercise program where I put on a gorilla mask and chase a random toddler through Costco.
I`m using voice-to-text to post this status. All I do is talk and it makes a text out of it. It`s really cool... Hey! What are you doing? That`s my phone! Give it back! Come back here, you son of a...
They say you can tell how someone has sex by how they dance…. So ladies be prepared for a lot of counting and clapping.
Too many people complain about their looks, but not nearly enough complain about their brains.