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The secret to dancing is to pretend you have a wedgie and you`re trying to get it unstuck without using your hands.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
If you really want to impress me with the year a bottle of wine was made, bring me one from 2024....
I hate how my friends are always trying to convince me to do extreme activities. Like bungee jumping, skydiving or leaving the house.
Seems like I can`t go anywhere in my house without somebody recognizing me.
I don’t love being single but I do love being happy.
You know when I was younger I was under the impression that quick sand was going to be a serious issue in life...
I don`t make a very good first impression, but if you hang around, my forty-third one is pretty cool.
"Better to be pissed off than pissed on!" Actually, I prefer a third scenario where I`m not angry or covered in piss.
A real friend is someone who knows how damn crazy you are... But is still willing to be seen out in public with you.
Hibernation should be a human thing too.
Got a paper cut turning the pages in my self-defense book.
Since everything is closed for Thanksgiving I’m going to drive around and park in all the good spots I never get.
Monday morning coffee is just as important as friday night liquor....almost.