Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I want the job where you push scared skydivers out of a plane
I am creating the first ever "flavored windows". They should make some of you very happy.
The sooner you fall behind the more time you´ll have to catch up.
Slut: desirable woman who has sex with someone other than yourself.
OMG ... I hate waiting in lines ... I wish this woman would hurry up and pick a suspect.
Figure it out people. It’s a 4-way stop sign not a woman.
Pretending I`m a pleasent person all day is exhausting.
My wife says I talk while I sleep. But I’m skeptical. Nobody at work has ever mentioned it.
cuss words = sentence enhancers
The best things in life can`t be seen or touched....well, at least that`s what the restraining order says.
I wonder how many people read my statuses and say `I hope he`s getting professional help`?
I was doing laundry today and accidentally left out a very large fart. 4 people turned around. For a minute, I thought I was on "The Voice".
First Ebola case in USA , and the Walking Dead starts next week... brb gonna go buy a crossbow.
When suffering from insomnia I either count sheep or ask my girlfriend how her day was.
Today I saw a girl with the word "Anel" on her butt. I was like, woah..it`s supposed to say "Anal"..it`s spelled wrong then I realized it was supposed to say "Angel". The G was stuck in her a$$crack