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People assume when I yawn that I`ve lost interest in what they have to say but truth be told, I was never interested.
Did you ever notice that the doctor’s bill is always a lot more readable than the doctor’s prescription?
Saw a post stating "taking it one day at a time," so I responded "me too. That`s how days work."
If airports are so safe, why are the buildings called Terminal
For $60, this printer ink had better be hand squeezed out of endangered squids.
Make fun of George Bush all you want, but he would have found a way to bomb North Korea before they shut down Hollywood.
Lets not kid ourselves, if the zombie apocalypse broke out, there are a couple people we would swear were zombies so we could shoot them
The longer I`m left unattended in the Drs office the more tongue depressors I can lick and put back in the jar..... Just sayin
If you died and went to he!l, how long will it take you to realise that you aren`t still at work?
Guys be like, "Lets play 21 question." Girl: Ok, what`s your favorite color? Boy: Triangle, so you a virgin?
90% of parenting is just screaming at your kids to stop screaming.
As far as distractions go ... I like to think I`m a good one.
Today is boozeday, I mean Tuesday...same difference!
If you see me out somewhere and act like you didn`t, you should know that I ignored you first.
You`d think the self checkout lanes would have more mirrors.