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Ever had sex while camping!? It`s intents!
I get in this weird mood where I don`t want to talk to anybody and just want to be left alone. I call this mood `Awake`
Guess when toothpaste was invented? 1892. Guess when kissing was invented? A DISGUSTINGLY LONG TIME BEFORE THAT.
If I ran NASA, it would be mandatory for the ground crew to be dressed as apes when the space shuttle lands.
When a girl tells you that she just had her period, you are officially in the friendzone.
New research reported that men enjoy snuggling. A second study showed that men will say anything to get a researcher into bed.
I’ve got a friend whose nickname is “Shagger”. You might think that’s pretty cool. She doesn’t like it
How many people actually tell everyone that you said Hi.
Really don`t see the need for pants for the rest of this day. :)
Digging through a box in the closet and I found a picture of me sitting on Santa`s lap. Hard to believe that was almost 2 years ago.
Pretending to be a functioning adult is exhausting.
It`s been an exhausting day of pretending I`m a pleasant person.
The easiest way for me to lose inches is to switch to the metric system.
How dare the NFL build walls to keep fans that haven`t paid for a ticket from entering the game!
I always scratch off the "Plus One" option on wedding invitations are replace it with "Drinking for two"