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I`m definitely the drunkest person in this ball pit.
Somehow, we`ve got to find a way to STOP the driver of that bus that everyone keeps getting thrown under.
Money may not buy you happiness, but it does buy you all the sh1t you want!
Being fat is when you watch Jurassic Park and wonder if dinosaur tastes good.
is "insert clever remark here."
I wish Noah would have swatted those two mosquitoes.
I never said I hated you. I just said that if you where on fire, I would consider roasting marshmallows. Big difference.
I`m gonna surprise my hand with some sex tonight!
Sex is like pizza, if you`re going to use bbq sauce you better know what the f*ck you`re doing
Happy Fat Tuesday! Join me again tomorrow on I`m still fat Wednesday
no..i am not drunk, floors needs hugs too ! :p
Instead of `What`s on your mind?` Facebook should say `Just relax on the couch and tell me all about your problems. Don`t worry, nobody will know`..
There is a gym called Anytime Fitness. I choose 2030.
So people buy cookie dough and bake it?.... What the hell?
You know that button in the elevator with the fireman´s hat on it... turns out that is not the button you press to get a fireman´s hat.