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Just for kicks I posted "I won the LOTTERY" on Facebook. One girl liked it, then replied to the inbox message I sent her in 2010. *Blocked*
Urban Dictionary has saved me from asking so many awkward questions.
Me: "The only person I need in my life is you." Bartender: "Please stop trying to hold my hand."
Why procrastinate today when you can procrastinate tomorrow?
I`ve officially reached the point in my life where the trash goes out on Friday nights way more often than I do.
May the bridges I burn light the path in front of me...
Home Alone (1990, Comedy) Two burglars attempt to murder an abandoned 8-year-old child
Once a month, women go completely crazy for about thirty days..
Dear penis, thanks for not bleeding once a month. Sincerely, every man ever.
I`m flattered that you took time out from your lack of a life to judge mine.
Fat, single and ready for a Pringle.
I`d like to thanks all the girls for wearing yoga pants. It is the only reason why we`re not complaining about how cold this winter it
The last time I was someone`s type, I was donating blood.
If I eat healthy today then I can have one piece of candy as a reward. If I eat unhealthy, then I can have the whole bag.
If people who shop at Walmart, “Save Money. Live Better.” Exactly how bad were these people living BEFORE Walmart?