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Jack Frost go away, come again another day. I need some sun, I need some sand, I need an island & a band. I`m bored with you & tired of the cold, so go away your getting old. Bring on the sun at one hundred degrees, some coconut oil & pina coladas please
Wanna know what it`s like being married? Chain yourself to a wild animal. Now kick the animal.
Decided to make a life altering decision today.... When I think of it I`ll let you know
I don`t really want to make bad choices; but I`m always late, and all the good choices are already taken..
All the women moaning about finding a husband obviously never had one.
If there are ice cream trucks in the summer, why aren’t there Starbucks pumpkin spice latte trucks in the winter?
Statistics show that 3 out of 5 people.. aren`t the other 2.
My GPS is basically just one more woman in my life who I turn on and then ignore.
They say women only use 10% of their anger
Don’t be upset that you’re single; be happy that someone isn’t ruining your life.
Police officer: Ma`am do you know why I pulled you over? Me: I`m just as confused as you are.
Covers on, too hot. Covers off, too cold. One foot out would prolly be ok, but I don’t wanna be dragged from bed paranormal activity style.
Beer is the answer...but I can`t remember the question.
It`s all fun and games...unless there`s cookies, then it`s serious
69% of people find something dirty in every sentence.