Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
A person who is bad at math should never take a calculated risk.
Pro tip: when you have a drug test and they tell you to go to the bathroom in the cup, that means PEE. Always.
I really can’t kick ass, but I’m super good at taking names!
People who say, “Happy New Year” to you on the 4th of January are not really your friends.
Every day I struggle between “I wanna look good naked” and “treat yourself.”
Awww, look. My middle finger likes you!
Wear black: all the non-conformists are doing it.
Sleep is for people with no internet connection.
It`s never your successful friends posting inspirational quotes on Facebook.
Am I the only one who closes the silverware drawer with an epic pelvic thrust?
A cop just pulled me over and said papers - so I said scissors, I win and drove off.
Spent 40 minutes on the treadmill this morning. Next time I might turn it on.
3 out of 4 Americans make up 75% of the population.
You know you are in the hood when your portable GPS says “Drive faster and put me under the seat.”
The problem with drinking with people from work is they`re the ones I bitch about when I`m drunk.