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Seriously, ladies. If you just stop sleeping with douchebags eventually their species will go extinct. Look at the big picture here.
My wife just made a "special" dinner "just for me" for no apparent reason. I`m going to die, right ?
The police never think its as funny as I do.
I wish the guy who made the vacuum cord would chat with the guys that make phone chargers.
It`s finally here! .. That time of year when my seasonal depression turns into just regular depression.
When a couple asks me for directions,I know that the wife is forcing the guy to ask.That`s why I give them wrong ones to teach her a lesson.
If you`ve ever wondered why an animal is stupid enough to run into oncoming traffic on the highway, then you`ve obviously never been married.
When I have to make a difficult decision in life I think what would grandma do, then I leave home in my nightie & shout at random strangers.
Some days I feel about as useful as the pants in Donald Duck`s closet.
I believe in karma which means I can do bad things to people all day long and just assume they deserve it.
A budget is just a method of worrying before you spend money, as well as afterward.
I never let anyone see me eat junk food. Not because I`m afraid they will judge me. I just don`t want to share.
Gaining weight while you owe me money is a sign of disrespect.
Hey Lady!, I just deposited $43 dollars in THIS bank.. DON`T FROWN AT ME WHEN I TAKE 3 SUCKERS!
I eat my gummy bears 2 at a time ..no one should die alone