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My head says “go to the gym” but my heart says, “stay on the internet forever and eat!”
Behind every beautiful song is a person who really shouldn`t sing it out loud in public
A drunk man walks into a bar...but enough about me...
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
My doctor told me, "DON`T mix this medicine with alcohol or you could wake up somewhere naked with a monkey on your arm." CHALLENGE ACCEPTED
May your Labor Day contain no Labor!
It was all so different before everything changed.
If you`ve ever wondered which of your friends are really amazing, you`re in luck today. :)
I think it’s pretty cool how Chinese people made a language made entirely out of tattoos.
It really pisses me off when I plan a conversation in my head and the other person doesn’t follow the damn script.
I can`t believe that it`s the year 2012, and I still have to bend down to pick stuff up.
Hey Monday+?+(???) +?+
There`s no WE in pizza.
You could pleasure me just by walking away.
Facebook really needs a “pee on someone’s wall” option.