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Once in a while you meet a person that makes you smile when you think about them. They`re trouble. Stay away from them.
You know the fun part of your life is over when people around you are getting pregnant on purpose.
A cash bar on parent-teacher conference nights would be a great fundraiser for schools.
Shouldn`t there have been at least one scene in The Karate Kid where Daniel`s mom was like "Why are you constantly in that old man`s shed?"
is in no shape to exercise
It’s funny that old people need handicap parking spots but they always manage to pick up a penny off the ground.
If you really think about it, "Nightlife" is just a fancy word for drinking alcohol at a place that isn`t your house.
Anything I say or do before I`ve had my coffee doesn`t count.
If a guy remembers the color of your eyes after the first date, you know you have small boobs
That first kiss in the morning is so special, and the dog enjoys it too.
A new day : the possibilities, endless. the funds, insufficient.
Before social networking you could just completely forget someone existed and it was....GREAT!
Most people don`t realize this, but you can eat organic, all natural, gluten-free food without telling everyone around you.
I did a terrible job preparing for my Blue Man Group audition and boy is my face red
Today’s forecast.. mostly cloudy with a 99.9% chance of alcohol