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Screw it, I’m starting Friday now.
So you`ll be able to buy Girl Scout Cookies online this year ... Your move Weight Watchers
Ladies, life is short. So buy the shoes!
I think you and I both know that you`re not facebook friends with me for the funny statuses.
With all the potato chip flavors available now, I see no point in buying actual food...
I can`t find my happy place this morning, mind if I goto yours
Mom: If all your friends jumped off a cliff would you do it too? Me: If all parents used that same metaphor would you use it too?
I`m leaving my body to science fiction
Id explain it to you, but I don’t have any crayons with me.
Just once I`d like a doctor to tell me I`m not getting enough beer in my diet.
Nobody talk to me until I`ve Instagrammed my coffee.
Whenever a wrong number calls me and hangs up I always call em back and tell them it was their loss because I`m really fun to talk to.
A dating site based on Netflix viewing compatibility.
LOSE WEIGHT FAST! Mix equal parts warm water, apple cider vinegar, & lemon juice toss that disgusting sh!t into a sink & get on a treadmill.
Never resist a mad impulse to do something nice for me.