Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My ex-girlfriend owned a parakeet... Oh my god, that f**king thing would never shut up. But the bird was cool.
When riding in an elevator, be sure to push all the buttons. Your fellow riders will appreciate the fact that you thought of everyone.
Note to self: When sending Valentines messages don`t use group text next year.
“Hi I’m an evil ghost with the ability to defy time & space, but I think the best example of my powers will be to slightly close this door.”
Why isn`t Hungary`s capital city called "Very"
I love this oscillating fan, 5 out of every 15 seconds.
Water is life; without it we wouldn’t have coffee, whiskey or beer.
The older I get the more use I have for the phrase "bite me."
All you need is WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn`t move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn`t, use the tape.
Don`t think I didn`t notice that you deleted your status when no one Liked it.
WOULD YOU RATHER: have six arms or giant antlers? (You don’t really get a choice; the surgeons were just sort of curious.)
Without coffee, I’m just a really tall 2 year old.
A day without sunshine is like, you know... night
Won’t go back in my bathroom until spider is gone! Web search for “spider life span” reveals I will be able to shower again in 1 to 2 years.
Yesterday I saw something that reminded me of you. I almost stepped in it!