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Girls become instant best friends when they find out they hate the same people.
I can`t understand why women are okay that JCPenney has an older women`s clothing line named, "Sag Harbor."
Spoiler alert: this milk expired five days ago
Dear Graduates: Congratulations on making it through the easiest part of your life!
first show me the benefits and then I`ll decide if we can be friends.
I`m ashamed of what I did for a Klondike bar.
My New Year`s resolution was to lose 15 lbs by the middle of February. I have 20 lbs. to go.
Wouldn`t it be awesome if MTV had a show called "16 and Applying to Colleges"
You can´t trust dogs to watch your food.
If a clown farts, does it smell funny?
They should just go ahead and put a volume setting on my TV that says "Eating Doritos".
Took the ice from my ice bucket challenge and put it in my whisky.
I see dead people. Well technically they`re stupid people, but give me a few minutes
I know what I`m getting for Christmas ... Fat. I`m getting fat.
Everybody reaches a point in their lives when they die.