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One trenta cheeseburger please.
I will never be to old to laugh when somone farts in a public bathroom peeing..
Surly not EVERYBODY was Kung-Foo fighting?
Little to no thought was put into this status.
New Subway rule: You must give the person in front of you a wedgie if they take more than 5 seconds to choose what kind of bread they want.
Warning!! Today I will be coloring OUTSIDE the lines..
Sarcasm is the ability to insult stupid people without them realizing it.
Wishing a happy unbirthday to everybody who`s birthday isn`t today.
Batman had the bat signal. If you need to get my attention, hold a Roast Beef Sandwich over a floor lamp and aim it at my apartment.
If you start smacking people with your wife`s purse she won`t ask you to hold it for her anymore
I wish people would stop judging me before they find out how much of an a$$hole I actually am.
"Don`t cry because its over, smile because his new girlfriend looks like a horse."
Love your enemies; after all, you made them!
If you want to be remembered after you die, borrow money from everyone you know.
I automatically assume you`re fat if your Facebook picture is a car