Daily Silly Status

I may not be the best looking, wittiest, smartest or even the most successful person. I forget where I was going with this...

If you take bites out of string cheese rather than rip strings off , you don`t f*cking deserve string cheese.

The responsibility of taking out the trash should be left to the person who runs out of ways to fit more trash in the bag.

Turns out people who say they love hot sauce on anything are liars. In other news, I`ve recently been banned from making the classroom coffee.

How long does it take possums to realize when one of them is actually dead?

The people naming dinosaurs should teach the people naming hurricanes how to name stuff.

A word to the wise ain`t necessary - it`s the stupid ones that need the advice!

My relationship with whiskey has been on the rocks lately

I like to think outside the quadrilateral parallelogram.

I`m more of a "the glass is half shattered into a million tiny pieces" person.

If you see a porcupine in your yard, that`s my cat and we`re not done with our accupuncture session.

Alcohol does not make you fat. It makes you lean. Mostly against walls, tables, chairs, bars, floors & occasionally, weirdos ..

I`ve decided to start taking more supplements: calcium pills for my bones, ginkgo pills for my memory, milk thistle for my liver, ginkgo pills for my memory...

My stove top knob reads, LO | 2 | 4 | 6 | 8 | 10 | HI......so what is Med-High, Medium Low?...They just need to lay it out for me in numbers! Like "set stove top to 8." no wait, 9.? Food manufacturerers and stove manufactuerers need to get toghether on this! So let me see,..... (me thinking)....if ten is high...5 is medium that means 7.5..... WAIT!.....low would be 0 so HI would be 12???....WTF!!! forget about simmer!........HEY KIDS! WHO WANTS PIZZA!

Women and children first because men deserve a little quiet time before the ship sinks.