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To those girls who always put"CRYING" at the end of every status, seriously what do you expect us to do, inbox you a tissue?
My RSVP : I`ll be attending your wedding alone but consuming enough cake and alcohol for at least two.
’Friday’ is my second favourite word starting from the letter `F`. :)
Any time someone says "have you seen that YouTube video?" I always say yes......... Because otherwise they make you watch it on their phone
joined a nudist colony last week ... the first few days were the hardest!
You call it free samples, I call it a free all you can eat buffet.
I wish I can start a new diet, but there`s a bunch of old diets I haven`t finish.
Pay no attention to the device around my ankle.
Next time you fill out a job application and it asks about military service, it is best not to mention that you`ve gone Commando a few times in your life.
Say goodbye to your girlfriends cause I just bought a book on magic tricks
heyy lol
You say toilet, I say alcohol vomit receptacle.
My girlfriend wanted me to come shopping, but I had a headache... I must have caught it from her last night when we didn`t have sex.
No Grandma, "sausage fest" is not a new special breakfast at IHOP
Black holes must be where God divided by zero.