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I love long legs.... Long sexy legs..... But not on a Spider, I hate long sexy legs on a Spider.
I`d rather run into the four horsemen of the apocalypse than a group of women out on a "girls` night."
I don`t have the blood alcohol level to deal with you
Separating the men from the boys, one mood swing at a time.
I just can’t stop thinking of all the people who signed my yearbooks that I have let down by failing to “stay cool”
I miss that feeling you`d get at the video store when you discovered the movie you wanted to rent was available.
"Try to score a goal. Don`t use your hands. See you afterwards." - Soccer coaches
I wish the guy who made the vacuum cord would chat with the guys that make phone chargers.
If you think human beings have evolved a lot. Look at how much Egyptians worshiped cats. Then go look at Facebook for about 10 minutes.
I overheard this guy bragging about his fancy hotel sweet. Ptttsht. They are nothing but cheap a$$ mints!
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
The only thing I drink from a shot glass nowdays is Maalox.
Before telling me to listen to my heart you may want to check that it isn`t telling me to kick you in the shin!
I really don`t know what the big deal is about Black Friday. I black out every Friday....
You never truly appreciate Newton’s laws of motion until you’ve sneezed while going to the bathroom.