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Just saw someone holding a sign that said "Honk 2 impeach Obama" You`d think the process to impeach a president would be more complicated
Smile at the people who hate you. It makes them wonder what you`re up to. :)
Relationships should come with an icon that shows you how much time you have left like your phone’s battery.
If I had a time machine, I would just keep going back to bed.
Two things I am thankful for: 1: Family and friends. 2: Caller ID, so I can avoid certain family and friends.
I have never been guilty of taking the smaller pizza slice.
Laughter is the best medicine (that my insurance is willing to cover)
I like long walks on the beach and drives through Taco Bells drive-thru.
I don`t know why I even bother chewing corn.
I think that work and microwave minutes are longer than regular minutes.
I`m going to clean my house today and by clean I mean I`m drinking vodka and spraying Febreze everywhere.
My buddy told me he was going to Beerfest this weekend, I asked him where, he said "any bar I walk into!!!"
I haven`t seen any new Bigfoot pictures in a while... I hope he`s OK.
If I die, bury me with fire extinguishers. Because: Hell
If my week was a YouTube video, Monday would be that crappy ad that it doesn`t let you skip.