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I love work; it fascinates me. I can sit and watch folks do it for hours.
Hope I never go to jail, because I haven`t memorized a phone number since 2003.
Sex without love is merely healthy exercise.
that moment when autocorrect decides to ruin you and makes a text incredibly awkward.
Just so we’re on the same page, I’m on 43.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, I’m coming to your house with a facking baseball bat.
I woke up this morning with a glass of water on my bedside table with a note saying “for hungover me” I drank it and it was vodka. Drunk me can be such an asshole!
I just ended a 5 year relationship. Luckily it wasn`t mine.
Bring me the heads of my enemies!! or some cupcakes ... whichever.
The first rule of Women`s fight club is don`t tell anyone what you`re mad about or why you`re fighting.
Life Insurance: Let me get this right. I pay you until I die, then someone ELSE gets the money?
I don`t know why you are complaining about your appearance, your personality is even worse.
My new credit card has this awesome theft protection where it just says "declined" whenever you use it.
I think Labor Day is to remind people that after a full day with the family, going to work actually isn`t so bad after all.
You can`t run from your problems. unless your fat.