Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
There’s a wild side to EVERY innocent face.
Damn boy! Are you a slinky? Cause I wanna wanna push you down a flight of stairs, then kick you when you stop halfway to the bottom.
Tire rotation? Nice try, mechanic! I rotated my tires like a thousand times on the drive over here.
I`d hate to be a dragon .....I`d get so pissed tryin to blow out my birthday candles.
Nothing is quite so annoying as to have someone go right on talking when you`re interrupting!
is trying to decide ... laundry today or naked tomorrow
hate it when someone says they are miserable when their profile picture says otherwise.
You can call someone who makes prosthetics a professional body builder
If ignorance is bliss then there`s a crap load of people in paradise
I`m getting tired of having to write "Sent from my iPhone" at the end of all my e-mails. Maybe I should just get an iPhone.
Success is like being pregnant. Everybody congratulates you, But nobody knows how many times you were ****** before you got there.
I bought a screwdriver bit for my electric drill. It`s useful for converting ordinary phillips screws into non removable screws.
"You`re going to love my friend. He`s hilarious." is still the best way to know you`re about to meet an annoying person.
Dear small line of dirt that wont go in the dustpan… Screw you.
Kids teach you so many life lessons. Unconditional love, patience, the meaning of family, but mostly to lock the bedroom door.