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I think before we vote we should get the politicians drunk. That way they would speak what`s REALLY on their minds.
I love you with all my thighs. I would say my heart, but my thighs are much bigger.
How to break up with someone: You: Your ex is attractive. Partner: Which one? You: ME. You: BYEEEE
If cartoons are a reliable guide, the secret to never aging is wearing the same clothes every day.
Every time a clerk asks "Did you find everything you need?" I always answer "No, I couldn`t find a hug"
If no one comes from the future to stop you, than how bad of a decision can it really be.
Big shout-out to slugs! Those little guys are out there everyday, doing all the same stuff as snails but without helmets.
Guess what I saw today? Everything I looked at.
i m not totally useless, i can b used as bad example
Plot twist: name your pets after passwords.
Life hack: You can park wherever you want if you put your hazard lights on and take your tire off.
My resume is really just a list of things I never want to do again.
The only solution to a problem is to find the source and Kill it.
Two things everybody wants: 1) Lose weight. 2) Eat.
STD`s aren`t like pokémon, your not suppose to catch`em all!